remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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