just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
