is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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