How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
