Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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