The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
its liver damage thursday
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
