Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
