First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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