Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
