Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.

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  (734): Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics. http://tfl.nu/seve
  Replies (1) Good night (753) Bad night (1197)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.

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  (405): I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation. http://tfl.nu/os3u
  Replies (13) Good night (4434) Bad night (1131)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday

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  (701): Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday http://tfl.nu/rqca
  Replies (36) Good night (4526) Bad night (797)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.

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  (305): Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming. http://tfl.nu/4nef
  Replies (51) Good night (8616) Bad night (827)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.

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  (901): She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A. http://tfl.nu/01sf
  Replies (43) Good night (1805) Bad night (5641)
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  (516): View more from New York

  We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.

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  (516): We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story. http://tfl.nu/mad1
  Replies (9) Good night (6294) Bad night (957)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.

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  (561): Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game. http://tfl.nu/593t
  Replies (28) Good night (771) Bad night (5318)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?

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  (412): Why are there maracas in the dishwasher? http://tfl.nu/o2j7
  Replies (14) Good night (5259) Bad night (768)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.

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  (201): I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out. http://tfl.nu/k100
  Replies (5) Good night (1545) Bad night (746)
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  (805): View more from California

  You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way

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  (805): You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way http://tfl.nu/xnwc
  Replies (6) Good night (1820) Bad night (626)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.

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  (317): You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk. http://tfl.nu/qv2s
  Replies (9) Good night (1229) Bad night (517)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?

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  (978): Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own? http://tfl.nu/mi3t
  Replies (8) Good night (1906) Bad night (429)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.

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  (208): I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko. http://tfl.nu/cj6v
  Replies (2) Good night (476) Bad night (240)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm

  (1+61): View more from

  At least it wasn't your drinking arm

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  (+61): In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm (1+61): At least it wasn't your drinking arm http://tfl.nu/wwzo
  Replies (2) Good night (559) Bad night (197)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.

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  (412): It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life. http://tfl.nu/gcvx
  Replies (5) Good night (653) Bad night (184)

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