Texts From Last Night

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  (620): View more from Kansas

  I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about

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  (620): I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about http://tfl.nu/33to
  Replies (23) Good night (883) Bad night (4582)
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  (909): View more from California

  I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.

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  (909): I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird. http://tfl.nu/n96h
  Replies (31) Good night (1197) Bad night (4002)
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  (+44): View more from England

  I just gift wrapped bread.

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  (+44): I just gift wrapped bread. http://tfl.nu/h0i1
  Replies (8) Good night (4872) Bad night (850)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"

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  (519): we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault" http://tfl.nu/rtah
  Replies (7) Good night (4885) Bad night (1088)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.

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  (601): There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis. http://tfl.nu/xpx8
  Replies (9) Good night (1788) Bad night (4893)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.

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  (919): we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni. http://tfl.nu/1ccz
  Replies (3) Good night (3671) Bad night (1541)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.

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  (814): This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left. http://tfl.nu/p749
  Replies (8) Good night (2894) Bad night (1005)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?

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  (641): Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug? http://tfl.nu/o9ys
  Replies (16) Good night (1025) Bad night (3413)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.

  (347): View more from New York

  he is a god among men.

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  (917): when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment. (917): Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles. (347): he is a god among men. http://tfl.nu/gmep
  Replies (52) Good night (7953) Bad night (1107)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.

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  (206): What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world. http://tfl.nu/0k4m
  Replies (11) Good night (1492) Bad night (611)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.

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  (720): Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description. http://tfl.nu/i5hv
  Replies (3) Good night (2385) Bad night (668)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!

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  (702): Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one! http://tfl.nu/ayyz
  Replies (3) Good night (983) Bad night (439)
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  (760): View more from California

  He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....

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  (760): He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch.... http://tfl.nu/h307
  Replies (1) Good night (837) Bad night (454)
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  (818): View more from California

  Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!

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  (818): Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security! http://tfl.nu/7slr
  Replies (2) Good night (362) Bad night (860)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.

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  (+44): The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking. http://tfl.nu/xzp9
  Replies (0) Good night (474) Bad night (244)

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