Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.

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  (212): I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland. http://tfl.nu/ca0n
  Replies (71) Good night (29813) Bad night (1550)
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  (951): View more from California

  I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it

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  (951): I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it http://tfl.nu/eb7i
  Replies (5) Good night (1072) Bad night (3333)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.

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  (304): my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app. http://tfl.nu/wpzp
  Replies (25) Good night (1331) Bad night (5997)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs

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  (620): I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs http://tfl.nu/06cn
  Replies (32) Good night (1875) Bad night (3709)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.

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  (832): And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/hp91
  Replies (12) Good night (2449) Bad night (1325)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.

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  (509): Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away. http://tfl.nu/1jys
  Replies (6) Good night (2296) Bad night (901)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.

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  (503): Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack. http://tfl.nu/t9kk
  Replies (3) Good night (2908) Bad night (632)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.

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  (404): So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord. http://tfl.nu/381z
  Replies (5) Good night (485) Bad night (795)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.

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  (416): okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food. (647): Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40. http://tfl.nu/dr99
  Replies (6) Good night (968) Bad night (581)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.

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  (208): Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied. http://tfl.nu/8j3b
  Replies (6) Good night (849) Bad night (414)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?

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  (+61): Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace? http://tfl.nu/wr2n
  Replies (4) Good night (863) Bad night (363)
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  (44): View more from United Kingdom

  Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...

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  (44): Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms... http://tfl.nu/mf8r
  Replies (2) Good night (634) Bad night (296)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.

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  (856): I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing. http://tfl.nu/phds
  Replies (1) Good night (773) Bad night (323)
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  (805): View more from California

  Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come

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  (805): Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come http://tfl.nu/u9o4
  Replies (1) Good night (313) Bad night (576)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...

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  (801): I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird... http://tfl.nu/2iq6
  Replies (2) Good night (674) Bad night (259)

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