I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
