shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
