you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
