I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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