Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I didn't notice because vodka
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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