Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i now understand why vodka
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
