Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
