i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
