i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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