I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
