please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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