porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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