Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
