my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
