Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
