Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
