just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
