Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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