I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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