He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
