dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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