Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
