she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize