My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
