My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
