just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
