he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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