Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
