Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
