I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
