Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
