dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
