is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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