worst night to have a conscience
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
