I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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