I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
