I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
