Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize