Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
accomplished twins. life is a go
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
