Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
