You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
