she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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