He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
