Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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