I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
