If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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