3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
