your parents love me but you hate me
My balls are so social today.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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