i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
