Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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