IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
