Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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