hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
