I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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