i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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